I find that, all too easily, I place the biggest obstacles in my own path. I notice it clearly when I’m painting, and a voice tells me, “You should know how to do this! You’re terrible at it!” That voice shows up constantly—in projects, activities, dreams, everywhere—ready to attack at the least expected moment.
Then another voice appears, reinforcing the first: “Maybe I shouldn’t do this… I could start later. Let’s see what’s on my phone, or maybe I should wash the dishes first,” and so on.
Between the two, they manage to throw me off balance—and how! I get lost between them and start to believe them, feeling as if what they say is true. Little by little, I begin to stray from my truth, looking for ways to distract myself, freeze, and distance myself from who I am.
Yesterday, for example, I felt a bit anxious and started to write about it, thinking of painting from those emotions. And again, the critical voice returned: “This is so ugly, it’s poorly done; you’ve forgotten how to do this, or maybe you were never good at it…” I saw it there and acknowledged that I really didn’t like it. I felt uncomfortable, I doubted myself, but I still went on. Watching that voice calmly, I continued transforming the painting, and slowly, new shapes and colors began to appear. As I moved forward, I started to feel a kind of relief. I don’t know if I’d say I love it or that it’s the best thing I’ve done, but I can say I felt glad I didn’t stop just because that voice said so. I felt good continuing and watching how everything was shifting: the voice, the painting, and my mood.
I realize, then, that everything moves, and even what I don’t like can open up and start to appeal to me. I can be less self-critical and flow. And, above all, I notice I am growing in resilience, breaking down and overcoming that inner resistance that tries to hold me back.
It’s as if each brushstroke were an act of rebellion against those voices. Gradually, I am practicing being a co-creator of my reality, of my own painting, proving to myself that I can do it. I’m discovering that, by letting go of self-demand and perfectionism, ideas emerge about what I want to work on, let go of, and transform.
Today, I’m continuing with the painting, adding another layer, knowing it won’t be exactly as I imagined but staying open to being surprised. And it’s in that surprise where I find something new. This is how I move forward in my conquest of those voices of self-sabotage and procrastination, because it’s in the movement of my brush where, finally, those voices find peace.
Now I understand that with each brushstroke, I’m not only building a painting but also building confidence in my ability to keep going, to create something new. I know that the voices of self-sabotage and procrastination will keep appearing, but now I have the strength not to let them dominate me. The secret is in being able to listen to them, to give them space, to feel their discomfort, but without letting them make me disappear. In this way, they quiet down on their own, and I can keep going, transforming them into color, movement, and presence.
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