When I feel completely emotionally blocked, I take a canvas and throw ugly colors on it without any precise idea. This initial act is a release, a way to free my emotions without worrying about the aesthetic result. There's no need for beauty or precision; the important thing is to get everything out.
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Once this first phase is complete, I write down what I feel. It can be words like anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, or any other emotion present at that moment. Writing these emotions is a way to recognize them and give them a concrete form.
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Then I wait and let the paint dry. During this waiting time, I reflect on what I have written and painted. This pause is important because it allows me to take a breath and observe what I have created with some distance.
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When the paint is dry, I change color and direction. This change represents a new phase of my mood. I let the new colors and movements on the canvas reflect how I feel at that moment. I let myself be transformed by the painting, allowing myself to evolve with the painting.
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At this point, I ask myself: what do I need? What do I need once I have emptied myself of these emotions? What do I need now? I often find that these answers are hidden in the painting itself. I observe the images and colors, letting them speak to me and guide me toward greater self-awareness.
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I let myself be carried away by the images and colors, by what emerges spontaneously. I listen carefully to how I change inside and out while I paint. Gradually, painting calms me, and I find that peace that settles in my chest. Calm transforms the initial chaos, but there is always something underneath. This chaos is not eliminated, erased, or forgotten; it is part of the transformation of the painting itself. I accept that these emotions are part of me and my creative process.
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I calmly observe the internal changes. I imagine the colors as voices, parts of me that ask for some attention. Each color brings with it a different energy, and I let myself be carried away by this energy. As I progress in painting, I see how powerful and effective this experience is.
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Painting seems to know what it needs, and so do I. Entering a space of deep listening, everything can take shape. I realize that, in this space, the answers to my questions emerge naturally.
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What Can Help Me?
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Create a Ritual:
Before starting, I create a small ritual. I might light a candle, listen to specific music, or meditate for a few minutes. This marks the time dedicated to myself and prepares my mind and body for the creative process.
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Visual Documentation:
I photograph every phase of the process. This allows me to see the evolution of the painting and my emotions tangibly, creating a kind of visual diary of my emotional journey.
Playing with Different Materials:
Experimenting with different types of colors and materials, such as watercolors, tempera, or collage, can influence my emotional process and offer new perspectives.
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Painting is for me the encounter with my most authentic self. It is the space in which I explore and understand every part of myself. For this reason, I feel a great passion for sharing it and making others experience it!
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